Parent Resources During the COVID-19 Outbreak

March 24th, 2020

I hope this email finds you and your loved ones safe and healthy.  I’m writing with a few additional ideas for coping with this stressful and uncertain time as well as information about an upcoming webinar.

I want to begin by saying a few words about disappointment.  Everyone, everywhere is experiencing disappointment of one sort or another right now.  How can we talk about these feelings with children?

• First, think about feelings of disappointment in your own life.  What are the plans or activities you were counting on that have been upended by social distancing?  Is there another adult in your life with whom you can discuss your feelings of disappointment?
• Now think about the disappointment your child is experiencing.  Your child’s feelings might resonate with you (“Of course he’s disappointed that his school play has been cancelled”), or your child’s disappointment may evoke impatience or frustration.  Try to see the situation from your child’s point of view, and do your best to honor the feelings your child is expressing. 
• You can model putting feelings into words by either asking a question (“I wonder if you’re feeling frustrated?”), sharing what you are noticing about your child’s physical response (“You’re squeezing your fists so tight, I wonder if you’re angry?”), or making a general comment about feelings (“Looks like you have so many big feelings right now.”).
• Allow your child some time to sit with the disappointed feelings in a safe way, perhaps by letting your child cry, find a safe space to be alone, or just rant to you for a while.  It may be painful to hear your child expressing feelings of disappointment about events you were looking forward to, as well.  Keep in mind that learning to cope with disappointment is a life skill that your child is developing – one that can be carried forward to deal with any future disappointments, and that these difficult experiences are also helping children develop empathy and build resilience.
• While it may be useful for adults to think about our disappointments in a relative way and to consider how lucky we are in relation to many others, this reasoning may not be useful for children, so I’d suggest you resist the urge to talk about people with bigger problems and focus instead on what your child is feeling right now.
• After allowing some time for the negative feelings, make a plan about an activity that will help your child (and you) feel better – perhaps cuddling with a favorite toy, listening to an audiobook or podcast, video chatting with a friend, writing in a journal, or doing an art project.
• Another strategy for coping with disappointment is to think about what we can do to support other people in the world who are struggling.  Can your child reach out to a loved one who is alone and homebound?  Send a thank you card or drawing to local first responders? 

Now - a couple of ideas for your time at home:

• Pineapple Street Studios is encouraging children to make their own podcasts. Their website has clear instructions and lots of great ideas.
• I mentioned in my webinars last week that ThinkGive is going to run a kindness challenge beginning this week.  They will be promoting the challenge through their social media accounts, but also plan to have a pop-up on the website with a link to the information. 
• This might be a nice time to begin a Gratitude Journal – either a family journal where everyone is invited to contribute, perhaps talking about this at lunch or dinner, or a personal gratitude journal to help you focus on the positive things in your life.  Keep in mind that you don’t need a fancy journal or template to do this – you can use a notebook…or many teens that I work with like to keep their gratitude journals as a note in their phones.  And don’t feel pressure to write every day – research suggests that writing in a gratitude journal once or twice a week might be most effective at increasing happiness.
• Many of us have now lived through a week or more of social distancing, and I want to give you a gentle reminder to be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion.  Last week a parent asked me for a link to reading material about self-compassion for parents – you can access an article here, or there is a link on my website..

This week I read a good, brief article from Riverside Trauma Center about ideas for increasing one’s sense of safety, predictability, and control during these turbulent times.

I have decided to offer free weekly webinars while we are all practicing social distancing.  My thought is to have each webinar focus on a particular topic for the first 20ish minutes, and then to open things up to any and all questions that parents would like to ask.  If you have a topic you would like me to address in a webinar, please send me an email.

If you would like to receive email notification about upcoming webinars, please sign up on my website so that I can email you directly. 

March 18th, 2020

Dear LEAP families,

The LEAP School Directors reached out to ask me about advice for parents of preschoolers coping with school closures and COVID-19 generally.  Here are some thoughts:

Talking to Your Child 

First and foremost, it’s important to keep in mind the developmental age of each of your children in thinking about how to address their concerns. As we often discuss in my office, remember that typically even children with advanced verbal skills still have thinking and reasoning skills that match their developmental level, so while some children might ask questions that seem sophisticated, I recommend that you ask a few clarifying questions in response to try and understand what is really behind your child’s concern.

Explanations should use language that each child can easily understand.  In addition, it is important to follow your child’s lead and answer questions as your child raises them.  Resist the urge to provide more information than your child is requesting. As we know, children take their cues from us, so when we speak in a calm voice, it helps children to be reassured. Remember that children often look to adults to know how to feel – they take their cues from us.  It is really important to remind children about all of the things that people are doing to help keep them safe.  For some children, it might be helpful to remind them, ‘it’s an adult’s job to worry so children don’t have to’.  That said, many children will still experience considerable anxiety and it is important to validate your children’s concerns and let them know that they are free to express them.  Child Mind Institute has a nice article about talking with children about the virus.

Schedule and Structure 

Most children thrive on structure, so I highly recommend having a schedule for the day, much like school, and posting a visual schedule in a central part of the house, such as the kitchen.  You can write this on a whiteboard or just post it on a piece of paper.  I recommend using both pictures and words, as the teachers do in preschool. 

Children should get up and get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, etc., just as they would do on a school day.  Then I recommend dividing the day into blocks of time and thinking about different types of activities to fill the blocks.  I strongly recommend planning at least 2 blocks of time outdoors – one in the morning and one in the afternoon.  During this time of increased stress, movement activities throughout the day will be particularly important.  In case of inclement weather, you can stream videos such as Go Noodle when movement breaks need to be indoors.  Lunch can be scheduled at the same time as your children have it at school.  Schedule in creative time for building, crafts projects, and/or cooking – there are some great recipes for kids on Mollie Katzen’s website.  Consider scheduling in time for board games and or puzzles.  Make sure you have plenty of books available for children, including picture books and, if your child is ready, easy chapter books that you can read aloud.  For older preschoolers, you could consider finding a chapter book series to read aloud such as the Magic Tree House books.  Structure time for age appropriate chores such as wiping surfaces with a disinfecting wipe, putting dirty laundry in the hamper, and scrubbing fruits and vegetables with a brush. 

Since it’s an early spring in New England, if you have a backyard bird feeder or bird bath this could provide a great opportunity for some observational science – for example, watching the feeder for 10 minutes every day and making tally marks to indicate what color birds have visited, then researching the different types of birds if you want to take it a step further (do they migrate? what do they eat?).  Remember that even if when you respect rules about social distancing, children can ride bikes with a neighbor.

Realistically, parents may have to be more flexible about screen time over the coming weeks.  I recommend adjusting your Family Media Plan accordingly and clearly communicating your family rules in advance so that everyone is one the same page.  Remember that games that involve creating are preferable to games where children are passive.  While often it is helpful for parents to watch shows and games with their children, at the present time it is more realistic to acknowledge that parents working from home will need to judiciously use screens to entertain children when both parents are engaged with other responsibilities.  Practice some self-compassion and release any guilt you have about this – when the world returns to normal, many families will need to engage in a ‘digital re-set’.

I am happy to be a resource to you and your children, so please don’t hesitate to reach out by phone or email.   

Warm regards,

Rachel

These websites have ideas for parents to keep their kids engaged and active while at home.

Scholastic Learn at Home

Artful Parent

Storyline Online

Somerville Early Education

Workspace for Children

Hello, Wonderful

Busy Toddler

Crafts & Experiments For Kids - PBS

Parent Resource - PBS

These articles relate to wellness and awareness during the COVID-19 outbreak:

Article on Screentime for Preschoolers

An article about adult coping and wellness during COVID-19

A great resource from the National Child Traumatic Stress Network

A psychologist’s science-based tips for emotional resilience during the coronavirus crisis

How to Talk to your Kids about the Coronavirus - PBS

Lego Tower Math Game

Duplo Block Painting